Why, then, am I writing this article? Because there is no one better to ask about topping than a bottom. And although we generally present these sex roles as fixed, here is an unavoidable truth that most gay men of a certain age will tell you: Even if you start off batting for one team or another, most of us become versatile over time.
1. Making everything clear with yourself
Sure, there are a few lifelong total tops out there, but many gay men begin to see the silliness of closing ourselves off to an entire half of the sodomy experience. I have found myself in an increasing number of situations where I want to make the men I like feel good.
Most tops could use a lesson on how to top better, and most self-identified bottoms will at some point be at the altar of his ass, ready to worship but unsure of what to do. Whichever way you lean, browse my 17 tips on how to be a better, beastly top. My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly.
I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. As with everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men.
5 Gay Hookup Tips – Things You Should Know
Ah, the joys of hooking up: OK, sometimes hooking up isn't as joyful as it is in the movies. However, as my high-school theology teacher, Mr. Dolan, said, "sex is the kind of thing where when it's good, it's amazing, but when it's bad, well, it's still pretty damn good!
But as with any exploration, there is a set of basic rules that can keep you safe and off the radar of the town's gossip queen, with your reputation in intact.
The Top 10 Rules of Hooking Up | HuffPost
So whether you're new to the game of hooking up or an old pro, be sure to hook up in a way that keeps your bedroom free of any twerkers with hidden agendas and puts a smile on your face. Never hook up with friends. Hooking up with friends automatically changes the dynamic of the friendship.
Friends should stay just that: And if you hook up with all your friends, who will listen to you talk about your hookups? Never hook up with more than two friends from the same social circle.
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Doing otherwise is a fast way to ensure that you're known as "that guy. Never hook up with the neighborhood gossip queen or people who are active in the social scene. Your sex life should stay private, and it's never a good look when all of Boystown knows whom you did, how you did him and where you did it. If you hook up with the town's gossip queen, people will know your penis size, your secret fetish, whether or not your middle toe is bigger than your big one, and how you like your coffee in the morning. Gossip is truly the lowest form of discourse, so don't be fodder for it.
People who go out a lot will spill your business over a drunken conversation. Save yourself from all the secret pointing and whispering when you walk into the club and opt for a different evening suitor. If neither of you can host, only hook up in five-star hotels. Gay bathhouses are just trashy, and you might run into a gossip queen or a popular scenester if you go, which would be breaking two hookup rules.
1. Get a trick phone
There's something European and slightly mysteriously sophisticated about checking into an upscale hotel and doing the deed there. And you can order room service in the morning -- on him, of course.
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If you can see him being your boyfriend, only hook up with him after you're in the relationship. Momma was so right when she said that if you give the milk away for free, no one will buy the cow. I don't care if you're a bottom, a top or versatile; we're all guys. Guys like what they can't have and are natural hunters.
Make him work for it. If you truly like him, then wait until you're in a committed relationship, and the sex will be that much more special.